Friday, August 14, 2009
Out of Reach
When I started this Blog with my heart open and honest I was excited, nervous and a little scared to “Let Go”. Let go of the known and the unknown, the past and the future. Now, here I am, back where it all began, I’ve let it all go and don’t know how to melt back in the mold I’ve grown out of. Am I expected to melt back into the mold? Or do I make a new mold for myself? Where do I go to find contentment, the satisfaction of the life I once had? Is it possible to find it here, what if I never figure it out? What if I suffer from this confusion forever? I feel like it’s all out of my reach. I’ll never be who I was before I left for my search. But will I ever be able to find the peace, joy and contentment of the simple life here in this hectic life? It all feels so far out of my reach. Now I close the door of this blog but pray that this chapter in my life will mold me into a stronger person. And if you wish to continue reading about my journey I will have a new blog I hope to keep up with - kristinarhuman.blogspot.com
Thursday, June 4, 2009
'Still Grumpy?'
I have class in 30 minutes so I am sitting here preparing under the fans in the guest house where we've been living for the last week. It's 9 o'clock and something dreadful happens everyday at 9 am. It's terribly hot this time of year infact all the teaching staff describe it like standing right next to a fire. But not only is it hot, heavy dew falls at night and in the morning when it heats we feel like we are living in a green house. Ceiling fans are crucial this time of year, but at 9 am everyday the power is shut off. From 9-11 we have no fans. In the classrooms with 40-80 students I stand in one place and try not to move. The kids use their books as fans and when the school day is finished I look like I took a bath with all of my clothes on. Ahh... what misery.
But yesterday I Kara read to me a devotional called 'Still Grumpy?' Usually the heat makes me an unpleasant person to be around, but the heat hasn't really affected me too much this last month. But something I wanted to share from the devotion, the author shared some of the things he was thankful for and it got me thinking:
1. For the taxes I pay, because it means I am emplyed.
2. For the mess to clean after a party, because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
3. For the clothes that fit a little too snugly, because it means I have enough to eat.
4. For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.
5. For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means we have a freedom of speech.
6. For the person behind me in church who sings off key, because it means I can hear.
7. For the weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I am capable of working.
There are so many things we complain about but if we would take deeper look at things would we change them if we had the opportunity? Would I give up the heat in India for something else? Mmmm, it's very tempting, but no. I'm thankful for no fans and hot, hot weather because it means that I've been blessed to travel to this part of the world and learn all that I have learned. What a real blessing!
But yesterday I Kara read to me a devotional called 'Still Grumpy?' Usually the heat makes me an unpleasant person to be around, but the heat hasn't really affected me too much this last month. But something I wanted to share from the devotion, the author shared some of the things he was thankful for and it got me thinking:
1. For the taxes I pay, because it means I am emplyed.
2. For the mess to clean after a party, because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
3. For the clothes that fit a little too snugly, because it means I have enough to eat.
4. For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.
5. For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means we have a freedom of speech.
6. For the person behind me in church who sings off key, because it means I can hear.
7. For the weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I am capable of working.
There are so many things we complain about but if we would take deeper look at things would we change them if we had the opportunity? Would I give up the heat in India for something else? Mmmm, it's very tempting, but no. I'm thankful for no fans and hot, hot weather because it means that I've been blessed to travel to this part of the world and learn all that I have learned. What a real blessing!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Close your eyes...
Just close your eyes, imagine the early morning sun's faint rays shining through the bamboo thatch wall and roof as you sit on a stool next to your daughters bed. Sweat slides down your face and drops onto your already sweat stained shirt as you cover your feverish daughter with another blanket. Her eyes open for a second and you see the yellow that has drowned the white of her eyes, it's the same yellow color that has stained the rest of her body and all these symptoms assure you it's jaundice. She's been in bed for 2 days and you've tried every herbal treatment ever recorded but nothing seems to change. But now it's not just jaundice, malaria has somehow entered the front battle line against her fragile and weak immunity. As a single parent you can hardly put rice on the table for your daughter and son, let alone find proffessional medical care. The herbs and prayers are all you've got as you watch your daughter walk closer and closer to the edge of death.
It's been finalized, there's nothing to do about it. A life or death situation has been decided before a decision could even be made. It makes me more angry than anything. Why must money, rather lack of, be the determining factor of a life? But now it's too late and there's nothing that can be done. It angers me that this mother wouldn't ask for financial help, it angers me that she would watch her daughter die because, "sometimes these kind of things happen and there's nothing we can do", but more than anything it angers me that this happens everyday. Everday small and innocent children loose their lives because they don't know that there's an alternative. Something can be done! What will you do? Just close your eyes...
It's been finalized, there's nothing to do about it. A life or death situation has been decided before a decision could even be made. It makes me more angry than anything. Why must money, rather lack of, be the determining factor of a life? But now it's too late and there's nothing that can be done. It angers me that this mother wouldn't ask for financial help, it angers me that she would watch her daughter die because, "sometimes these kind of things happen and there's nothing we can do", but more than anything it angers me that this happens everyday. Everday small and innocent children loose their lives because they don't know that there's an alternative. Something can be done! What will you do? Just close your eyes...
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A great day!
Today I was helping serve dinner in the cafeteria. And the rice just so happens to be my favorite... you dig into the clumpy rice with a bowl and plop it on top of the kids' plate, whatever they don't want they politely throw it back into the big pot. And when people aren't looking I snack on the rice between crowds of starving students. But as I was serving tonight and talking with some girls coming through the line Kara pointed to a boy standing in line... I could hardly believe what I saw!!! It was Jingjrang, my favorite student in class 9 was back! He had gone home just last week to be treated for Malaria PF which is a very serious case of Malaria. I was so sad to see him catch a bus alone for a trip home. He's been in my thoughts and prayers everyday since he left. Class is never the same without him. But I am looking forward to my class 9 bible tomorrow with Jingjrang sitting in the back and distracting me all period.
The first day of class I knew I would have problems with him and always remember him when I asked him if he wanted to stay after school and clean all the desks in the class after I asked him once to stop writing on his desk. Never again did he attempt to write on his desk and we slowly became very good friends. He's one of the better students now and his english has improved greatly. I enjoy emberassing him during class when he talks and I'm very much looking forward to class with him again tomorrow, I hope he's as excited to be back at school!
The first day of class I knew I would have problems with him and always remember him when I asked him if he wanted to stay after school and clean all the desks in the class after I asked him once to stop writing on his desk. Never again did he attempt to write on his desk and we slowly became very good friends. He's one of the better students now and his english has improved greatly. I enjoy emberassing him during class when he talks and I'm very much looking forward to class with him again tomorrow, I hope he's as excited to be back at school!
Monday, May 18, 2009
ACCEPT rather than EXPECT
How much do we expect?
From strangers, friends, family, ourselves, and even God?
What do we expect to gain from certain experiences or situations?
We expect a smile from a stranger, we expect good advice from friends, we expect words of encouragement from family, we expect success for ourselves, and peace from God.
How often do we accept?
Accept a bad situation, strangers, friends, family, ourselves, and even God?
Can we accept anything we don't expect?
Accept a stranger's darting eyes, a friends quiet avoidance, a family members harsh words, or God's unanswered prayers.
We cause ourselves pain when we expect and find we've been let down. We cause others pain when we expect of them and they feel judged. We cause God pain when we expect of Him and later curse Him when we feel as though we are being punished.
Why do we do this to our loved ones and ourselves? It takes the joy out of our lives and faith. Try it one day.
Focus on the acceptance rather than the expectations.
From strangers, friends, family, ourselves, and even God?
What do we expect to gain from certain experiences or situations?
We expect a smile from a stranger, we expect good advice from friends, we expect words of encouragement from family, we expect success for ourselves, and peace from God.
How often do we accept?
Accept a bad situation, strangers, friends, family, ourselves, and even God?
Can we accept anything we don't expect?
Accept a stranger's darting eyes, a friends quiet avoidance, a family members harsh words, or God's unanswered prayers.
We cause ourselves pain when we expect and find we've been let down. We cause others pain when we expect of them and they feel judged. We cause God pain when we expect of Him and later curse Him when we feel as though we are being punished.
Why do we do this to our loved ones and ourselves? It takes the joy out of our lives and faith. Try it one day.
Focus on the acceptance rather than the expectations.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Bribery Works!
Nearly 7 ½ months have passed. Teaching these students must be a teacher’s worst nightmare. It’s like talking to a stone wall in an empty room, but still that may be better than 60 blank faces. Asking questions only seems to a complete silence amongst my students. Asking them to be creative and write or draw brings a small sound and offers me a ray of hope until I process the quiet whisper, “Miss, I don’t know.”
I wonder if they understand my English or if our culture barrier is just too far to stretch. As I lecture in front of the dumb crowd I wonder if maybe it’s not them with the problem but maybe me... Until today. I’ll tell you a trick, bribery works! I walked into my 9th grade Bible class this morning with a small black bag full of candy and my notes full of short stories and questions. I read a short story aloud from the Gospels then told them to raise their hand if they knew the answers to my questions concerning the story. It took a lot of prompting, but finally my front row, A+ students, caught on and were filling their table with candy. I was so pleased! During the first two or three short stories the quieter ones in the back must have been working up the nerves to answer a question for a piece of American chocolate (which in reality is much tastier and less chalkier than Indian chocolate), because after my fourth story a boy in the last row jumped out of his seat with his hand in the air and a wide grin on his face. When I said his name he more than whispered the answer with a quick shout. Oh, what a surprise! I wanted to give him my whole bag of goodies. It's days like this that assure me God has called me for such a job.
I wonder if they understand my English or if our culture barrier is just too far to stretch. As I lecture in front of the dumb crowd I wonder if maybe it’s not them with the problem but maybe me... Until today. I’ll tell you a trick, bribery works! I walked into my 9th grade Bible class this morning with a small black bag full of candy and my notes full of short stories and questions. I read a short story aloud from the Gospels then told them to raise their hand if they knew the answers to my questions concerning the story. It took a lot of prompting, but finally my front row, A+ students, caught on and were filling their table with candy. I was so pleased! During the first two or three short stories the quieter ones in the back must have been working up the nerves to answer a question for a piece of American chocolate (which in reality is much tastier and less chalkier than Indian chocolate), because after my fourth story a boy in the last row jumped out of his seat with his hand in the air and a wide grin on his face. When I said his name he more than whispered the answer with a quick shout. Oh, what a surprise! I wanted to give him my whole bag of goodies. It's days like this that assure me God has called me for such a job.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Darjeeling
Two weeks ago we had a holiday after first term exams and Kara and I left all of our teaching worries at the school got on a bus and took a 12 hour trip to the himalayan hill station town Darjeeling.
It's famous for it's amazing tea with 42 different tea estates. In the whole town you can't find a good cup of coffee but plenty of great teas. We went to a tea estate called "Happy Valley" and met a mother and daughter from New York who were volunteering for 3 weeks in Kolkatta.
The town was small and enjoyable with quite a few tourists. We had great food minus the apple pie with dried apples and pretty good accommodatoin. It was really nice to get away from the school and spend sometime up in the mountains in the cooler weather.
It's getting too hot here and I'm really looking forward to being back at home with a cool lake to hop into when it's gets too hot. I don't think I'll complain about the heat ever again. Four weeks from today and I'll be gretting my family in Seattle. Seems like the year is flying by, but when I look back at certain events it seems as though it's been years ago.
A media team with Maranatha came and filmed the school after we got back from Darjeeling and it was really fun to talk with them and hear their stories about the place. It was good for me to talk with people who could offer some advice about the weather, teaching, and all kinds of other things.
It's famous for it's amazing tea with 42 different tea estates. In the whole town you can't find a good cup of coffee but plenty of great teas. We went to a tea estate called "Happy Valley" and met a mother and daughter from New York who were volunteering for 3 weeks in Kolkatta.
The town was small and enjoyable with quite a few tourists. We had great food minus the apple pie with dried apples and pretty good accommodatoin. It was really nice to get away from the school and spend sometime up in the mountains in the cooler weather.
It's getting too hot here and I'm really looking forward to being back at home with a cool lake to hop into when it's gets too hot. I don't think I'll complain about the heat ever again. Four weeks from today and I'll be gretting my family in Seattle. Seems like the year is flying by, but when I look back at certain events it seems as though it's been years ago.
A media team with Maranatha came and filmed the school after we got back from Darjeeling and it was really fun to talk with them and hear their stories about the place. It was good for me to talk with people who could offer some advice about the weather, teaching, and all kinds of other things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
